he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
