I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
