no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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