life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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