so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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