Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's on the porch naked. Help.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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