if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
