I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
