ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
