her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
