He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
