I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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