I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
