Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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