Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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