eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I stole a fireplace last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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