Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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