We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
