i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and she was petting her beer can
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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