My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
