Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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