it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
