It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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