I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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