just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
