Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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