hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it's not cheating when I paid for it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
