i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
