I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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