We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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