Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
