I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
