we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
