she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
