non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
