Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
