Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
