when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
