I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
