you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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