Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
