saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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