I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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