My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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