just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
