I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
