she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
