cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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