My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sober January is a disaster.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
