he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
