Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
