thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
