my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
