I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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