Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
