margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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