you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
