Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
