I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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